mother nature can suck my wang

I hate rain, it ruins plans. I love this music channel, except this song is annoying as fuck. I have nothing interesting to write about. Except that dumb fuck doesnt understand hints. For the first day I actually want to hang out he doesnt text me, dumbass. Uhhhh yeah working tonight can also suck my dick. I guess im going to that roseto carnival after work ehhh.




"But you'd be wrong. All that happens when your dreams come true is a slow, melting realization that it wasn't what you thought.
And it won't save you."
-for one more day
-by mitch albom

why cant you just take no for an answer

this is ridiculous.

Just say the first words that come along to your head

I don't know whats going on lately. I swear the whole world has lost their minds, and I swear I'm 100% bipolar. My mind has been changing fast as ever. I dont know what I want anymore. Confusion is the key word for me. I can't get over this jealousy, and I can't get over this longing for him. I think I'm losing myself, and that scares me. I just want to melt away into this music right now, and I think I might. My life has never seemed so chaotic. I want to find myself again. I want this self hating to go away, I mean, ive never hated what ive become so much before, and I fear a good nights sleep wont shake the way i feel right now. I dont know what to do with myself anymore, this is just terrible, I'm hoping for a day things will look up, but for now that day seems out of reach.






"This bottles half way empty
Cause your glass is half way full
Can you please go without me
I swear that everything's alright"

when the world comes crashing down whos ready to party

well i just returned home from being out for like the eighth night in a row. mother says from now till school starts i cant go out seeing as ive been out like 4 days out of five for the past two months, woops. Loved that I got in a fight with people ever the stupidest reason. honestly, that was complete bullshit, you didnt need to flip out on me like that. And text forwarding, everyone gets soo much more powerful behind technology. But everyone agreed, I verbally spanked you. suck on that. Ali's hosue was fun, and apperntly in my sleep i felt brendans leg up, woops. His nose whistles when he sleeps, haha. Oh jake.. oh ali. Ive never seen brit get so angry at people, but that was funny shit, and oh yeah brendan, hahah parachute panic is now my favorite game on my ipod, thank you. Uhh im wearing his shirt, fml, i dont know whats wrong with me, oh well. He better come back for prob or im going to die. Turkeyhill lemonade will forever remind me of last night, oh that and strawberry creamcheese. God I live for summer night, oh and football season, hell fucking yeahh.




"that's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
that's when I told her I love you girl
but I'm not the answer to the questions that you still have"

When its all over, who will be standing by your side in the end?

My mother woke me up way to early this morning. I woke up feeling like I had run a marathon in my sleep. I don't want to work today, but cant really do much about that. I'm learning more and more each day about myself and about others. I'm learning who are my real friends, and who are the people that are only "part-time friends," you know, those friends that are only there for your good days, but run and hide from the bad. next week, I'm pretty sure I'm going to bawl my eyes out. I'm wearing one of the shirts I stole from him, even though its not my favorite. My favorite one is the blue goalie one he gave me. One of my goals was to try and find something real, and get over "him" and just when im about to do that, it slips through my fingers, like any other good thing I've ever had. I just dont know how to handle this anymore. Just when I think things are looking up, everything pours back down onto me. This is just wrong.


"Each day gets more and more like the last day"

I got a problem and I don't know what to do about it, even if I did I don't know if I would quit, but I doubt it

I feel the need to get some things off my chest, though i dont know why i deiced to start it now seeing as i just took a vicodin for my intense mouth pain and im going to be very out of it by the time i finish writing this. Oh well, here goes nothing. I've come to terms with that fact that some of my friends are not friends at all and never have been never will be, but do I do anything about that? no of course not. I think im too nice to tell people off. Or maybe im just to afriad. and wow i had a lot more to write, and i actually deleted a lot of stuff i was going to say, and decieded to get rid of it. woops. and now im getting a little spacy, so ill save the rest for a better day.


"turn the lights off in this place, and she shines just like a star"

dust has only just begun to form crops circles in the carpet

Wonderful day two of wisdom teeth being out. My face currently feels like my legs do after running a mile. Vicoden makes me sleepy. I havent been upstairs in two days. the living room is my new room. I have brothers laptop so everything is easy. I love the new dvd players, seeing as i can hook up my ipod to it and control it with the dvd player remote :]. My mind is corrently going in every directions, my thoughts arent concentrated at all. I wish this laptop had a webcam, causee theyre soo much fun, but it doesnt, oh well i can live. I hate how im not hunrgy but im forced to eat so that when i take my drugs i dont get sick. grrr. My diet for the past two days has been italian ice and yogurt :[ I am happy that my gums are no longer bleeding seeing as that tasted terrible andd was annoying to deal with, though the whole rinsing with salt water is pretty nasty :[ uhhhh i cant believe the dickhead wanted to hangout... this whole venting thing is extremly enjoyable. Lindsey and Ali are visiting later with lots of pudding and movies, which makes me extremly happy. God I love my friends :]


"but compared to your eyes nothign shines quite as bright"

this week

has had its ups and downs. Loveddddd hanging out with the good friends. but thennn I learned that people have been saying shit about me, and it wasnt even some random person, it was someone who really has NO right in saying this shit about me. Honestly, let me tell you this right now. I HATE attention, i would rather the spotlight be directed to others, i mean everyone wants to shine, but I would rather spend it in a dim light. People these days are just redicc. I dont understand the reason for spreading rumors, false or not. Sure gossip is fun from time to time, but some people take it WAY to far. Im starting to enjoy this blog. It allows much venting, and i dont have to waste space writing this shit in my sketch book. well yaa knoww.
imout.

and inspiration strikes

You hold me without chains, though theyre the strongest ive ever seen in my life . I dont now whether to stay and marvel at the power you have over me or run before it gets any worse. my feet dont move. I stay for the moment of pure extacy i get from you, forgetting that after i'll be lef withering in pain as i have every other time. i try to run but i can only get so far before your gravity pulls me back in, and the worst part is i dont fight it. for by now ive already forgotten about the pain, and im ready for the unmistakable high you give me over and over. this never ends, its your favorite game, and you're the mvp.