Sometimes

I wish they would just run a red light.



"Love is not a victory march, its a cold and its a broken hallelujah."

Done

I don't want to feel like this anymore.





"You tell me that you need me, then you go and cut me down."

Restless hearts

I love things that help me sleeep :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I hate Juniors.
I love how much the seniors love each other when we need to.
I hate what our high school has become.
I love music.
I hate one, or two man teams.
I love unity.
I hate weis.
I love payday.
I hate cold rain.
I love summer rain.
I hate slow internet.
I love my bed.
I hate myself.
I love family.
I hate him.
I love Mustangs.
I hate grey.
I love gray.
I hate bands like Whitechapple.
I love just about anything else.
I hate feet.
I love eyes and teeth.
I hate soda.
I love water.
I hate running.
I love working out.
I hate holidays.
I love vacation.



"Wheels go round and round, you're on my mind."

Hey Marissa

You don't deserve anything you have.
You suck as a friend.
Why does he like you?
You have no talents.
No one around you even likes you.
They ignore you as much as they can.
Your car is a piece of shit.
Fuck you.
You're disgusting.
If you ran away, no one would shed a god damn tear.
You're better off dead.



"I hate this town, its so washed up, and all my friends dont give a fuck."

No regets, just love

You're the only person I'm every happy around anymore.
That scares me.
If you leave, what the hell am I going to do?
I love that I can be myself.
No fronts, no shyness, no walls.
Just a pure feeling of being at ease.
There's no feeling of constant power struggle, or bickering.
Just bliss.


"like a psycho bitch but the sex is good so I think I'll keep you around, ahem what?"

We're playing pretend to keep me here

I don't want to be tired all the time anymore.
fuck.


"And I lost my faith, in my darkest days. He makes me want to believe"

I feel like I am existing, instead of living.

Thank you for being the only person to see through the everyday armor.



"Depression please cut to the chase, and cut a long story short."

Impress me.

Its been a long time since i've posted on here.
A lot has changed, while so much more has stayed the same.
I could sit here and complain about everything pissing me off, but my mind is running blank.
Simply for the fact that I know, not a single friend in my life would have any problems with picking up and leaving me behind, I am completly considering going away to college.
Whether its Penn State, Pittsburg, West Chester Or Florida.
Oh god, I want to go now.
I need new people.
Theres only one person I think I would miss too much right now.
But I could play it off as on to the next one.
Its funny when you think people are your friends,
but in reality they don't like you.
Which is why you're second best.
And why you're never invited.
And why you're always the one to say hi first.
Fuck you all.
I'm out.



"We could sit here and cry but frankly you're not worth it anymore."

I was born to make you shine

Soooo, I like you, a lot...
I wish I could tell you, butttt I just can't.
FUCK.
Sad day.
Maybe I can hold on to be just friends for a little more.

"So goodnight moon, and goodnight you, when you're all that I think about, all that I dream about."

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

I'm tired of working 35 hour weeks.
Going to the beach should relax me.
Everyone should give blood, it helps save lives and you get free drink and snack afterwords :)
not to mention the people that take the blood are normally very nice.
I can't wait to get my fucking iPhone.
Charlie St. Cloud was lovely.
I still have yet to see Wicked, but oh, I will.
I loveeee gLee :)
oh heyyyyyy boy, I think I like you :D
Fuck Bangor, I'll be out of here soon enough :)
I'd rather miss old friends, then be stuck in the same old drama.



"I'm walkin' on sunshine, whoaa and don't it feel good."

dsldkfjsdlfksjddslfkj

Everyone seems to have a best friend except me.



"Times racing, please slow down."

Horrible things that I have done, seems this disease is slowly spreading

So, its another one of those nights, when nothing goes the way you want.
One of those nights that make you feel hopeless.
One of those nights that make you want to cut every tie with the outside world.
One of those nights that you want to pour your heart out to somebody, anybody, but everyone is already too busy.
Oh and by busy, I mean they're not really busy, they just don't give a fuck.
Everybody hates you.
Your friends, HA, friends? they're done with you.
You know why? Because you absolutely suck.
You're the shittiest person they've ever met, and they let you know it.
You feel trapped.
You want to cry, but you dont know if you have anything left inside to give.
Pretend everything is alright, keep in one certain area of light, so no one can see the dents in your armor.
Maybe its the eyeliner getting in my eyes, or maybe its something real.
Feelings get you nowhere.





Oh, and by you, I mean me.






"Sold my soul to stop the pain, hoping you'd set me free."

We could light the candle

Being the only person to know you secret is heavy burden, but I dont mind.
Thats what friends are for right?


I swear to God, if you change because of her, you'll lose me.

Keep talking shit, you're making me famous.

Go ahead, stuff more words in my mouth, it'll be the last ones you speak.

I think you're just like her.

Haha, you're a slut, thats the only reason he talks to you.

Thank God you're recovering.



"I can see it from the other side, the grass isnt always as green."

Keep spreading rumors. They'll catch up with you soon enough.









"Theres a fine line between love and hate."

I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like.

Do you ever feel like,
not a single person understands.
Even if you were to write them the most detailed map,
they would still be lost.
They would think they know exactly where you are,
but in reality they're on the other side of town.

Do you ever get sick of,
the feelings that recreate themselves every single night.
No matter what you do, they come back.
They come back.

I've come to the realization that,
my biggest fear is not as simple as going over bridges,
and its more terrifying than being buried alive.
For I would much rather go over a 50 mile long bridge,
or be buried alive with a three day air supply, killing me slowly,
then end up alone.
Sure we come into this world alone, and leave alone,
but theres this whole middle area to be filled.
Sometimes, I think my middle will remain empty and gray.

Its the worst when,
you find out someone who shared the same feelings as you,
left without letting you know the truth.

I'm so sick,
of your bullshit.
And your bullshit,
and your bullshit.
You're the most immature person I've ever met,
grow the fuck up.

I really don't
want to like you.
So I have to stop myself now, before it gets worse.

Oh, p.s
I hate you.
You looked like a faggot tonight,
though, when don't you.




"I'm hating my reflection, I walk around the house trying to fight mirrors."

Fuck you.









"Ignorance is your new best friend."

I think I know.

I can't sleep at night because I fear that I'll fall back into the everlasting nightmare that when I wake up the next day, everything will be the same.




"How did we get here? I used to know you so well."

I want out.

of this town
of this body
of this personality
of this drama
of this loneliness
of this hatred
of this life
of this anger
of this selflessness
of this jellyfish I call a spine
of this skin


I want out.





"My thoughts you can't decode."

It's been a long time.

I miss blogger :]
But sadly I have nothing to write about.
Uhm, I still hate Weis.
And I still love music.
I can NOT wait for summer.


" And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else."

Tell me how to win your heart, cause I havent got a clue.

I could really use a wish right now.




"Are you somewhere feeling lonely? Or is someone loving you?"

Somehow

I dont think "I told you so," can even begin to cover it.



"I don't need words to feel those lips."

Why don't the understand

The more they shove it down our throats, the more we want to throw up.
I can change myself, the second you stop trusting me, makes me want to rebel worse than ever.
Put words in my mouth? I'll be sure to spit back remarks that overpower anything you could make up.


"I'm tired of people lying, saying what they want about me."

Karma's a bigger bitch than I could ever be

Well, the above statement is certainly true.
I walked away, I was called a bitch.
I bite my tongue until I was sure it would bleed,
she thought I spoke her name.
I try to be there for you,
I get shut out on the front step.
You tell me your problems,
when its convenient for you.
I'm moving away,
I'm moving away from all of you.
I toss and turn at night, because I can't let myself fall into the everlasting nightmare that when I wake up, everything will be the same.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words they surely kill."

You're still here

No matter how many times I scrub my skin raw,
no matter how many times I tell myself its done,
no matter how much I believe that I truly am over it,
something drags me back.
Whether its in a song, book or movie.
You even get to me while I'm sleeping.
You peel back the covers of my conscious and tear them to shreds.
Being sure to discard all evidence, and yet,
that stills reminds me you were there, and I'll never be able to let that go.



" A different song for a different dance."

Promise I'll never change.

Why is it that certain ideas don't bother us all the time,
rather than simply when they are brought to the surface?
Such as when you find a tick crawling on your skin,
searching for a place to draw the blood out,
do we then become obsessed over the fact that it was their.
We then spend the night constantly thinking every tickle is a new tick.
Shouldn't of we as humans, been thinking the whole time
that every single tickle was a new tick, a new danger?
Then again, out of sight out of mind.
So why don't you get defensive all the time?
Out of sight, out of mind.






Promise I'll never always change.

A little preveiw

I plan on posting no less than two more post tonight.

We're all part of the same sick little games, and I need a getaway, getaway

"I could live with just these eight friends."
I now truly believe that it is possible to jinx ones self.
Roughly two months after posting that, those eight friends,
shattered, sending each person in a different direction.
Some regained composure and fell back into place,
others were not as fortunate.
Some were so cracked and disformed that they were unable to be replaced at all.
Others, like you and I, were left splintered,
able to fit together, but not the way it used to be.
The beautiful portrait, that once shown proudly,
is now simply a copy,
it can never be as good as the origional.


"Will we make our mark this time? Will we always say we tried?"

My bright is to slight to hold back all my dark

The first time I woke up this morning, I was overly filled with rage.
I couldn't believe they would do that, or you would put yourself in that situation.
Unbelieveable.
The second time I woke up, I was happy.
Then I went out, and had some fun.
The rest of my day was boring, but at least it made me forget about the morning.


"We all got wood and nails."

So pray then, if it makes you feel safe.

I'm brain dead.
I'm never hungry anymore.
Fuck track.
Fuck Weis.
Fuck school.
Fuck SATs.




"Sharpen up your teeth, your dreams are more than worth defending."

baby, baby, here we all are crazy

Everything around me is falling apart, pretty soon, so will I.

When the support systems fail, the whole structure comes crashing down with it.

Now I just have to hold on tight, and pray I come out alive.

"Showed my cards, gave you my heart,

wish we could start all over.

Nothing's makin' sense at all.

Tried to open up my eyes,

I'm hoping for a chance to make it alright."

Taking a deep breath and a step back,
I can finally see how badly you fucked me up.
Thanks for that.



"I count my blessings instead of sheep."

Follow me, follow me, fa-la-la-la-la

So much stress has built up.
Minor stress relieves cause more stress in the long run.
So much is fighting to burst out.
Here comes another list.
I hate the feeling that I'm constantly fighting to keep you here being my friend. I hate feeling like you don't want anything to do with me anymore, and that I'm turning into a friend you no longer want to talk to. It hurts when you call me annoying, or stupid. Fuck my life. I can't always be on your side. Everybody's wrong every once in a while.
I set unreachable goals for myself, it just depresses me more.
I'm unbelievably lazy.
I have a weird addiction to music, and I get obsessed with one song for two weeks, and then its on to the next one.
I hate not having money, and I hate using my gas.
Mom, you're pushing me into things I don't want to do. You're "little" hints you keep dropping, hit harder than you think, pretty soon, I will shatter.
I wish I had a life worth bragging about.
I just want everyone to like me.


"We sing, we sing, na-na-na-na-na."

Starstruck, prepair to get starstuck

I could live the rest of my life with just you eight friends.
I don't need anyone else in my life.
Thank God for that.
Everyone else was getting way too annoying.

Hard

Today was one of the hardest I've ever gone through.
Friends, close friends, pouring their hearts out, bawling their eyes out until they were dry.
Listening to the best friend speak, crying as the words flowed from his lips.
I've never cried so hard in my life.
Hey Ike, how about that time in Sports marketing when someone unplugged your mouse and you got so pissed because your computer wasnt working.
Or when you tried during the review game to be all cool cause you played basketball and shoot from the 3 point range but completely miss.
I may not have been close with you, but I knew you, my best friends were close with you, and seeing how hurt they were hurt me.
I just can't stop crying now.
These next couple of days are going to be nearly unbearable, but I'll fight through them.
I don't want money, or tuesday for that matter to come.
God please watch over the rest of us, keep us safe. We need each other now more than ever.
I don't think I can take take much more of this.

"all that he was, its just a tragedy."

Life can flash before your eyes

What a tragedy.
I may not have known you very well, but I knew how well my other friends loved you.
You could make others laugh, you were an allstar when it came to sports, you were an all around great kid. So sad something like this could happen.
No one even saw it coming.
May angels lead you in Ike.
Resy Easy




"And all that he was, its just a tragedy."

Shell Shocked.

The words hit me, strong and fast.
Stunned, stunned, stunned.
My lips freeze, while my head races.
I don't know what you want from me.
You never make it clear.
When you swear at me, oh, that hurts the most.
"well you might as well go, cause if you don't get what you want you're a little bitch to me."
Well what do you expect from me?
Most people do get upset when they don't receive the outcome they had hoped for.
I'll cry, try to get it out of my system, but it won't be.
I will just get buried underneath everything until we snap again.
Though, I can't say any of this to you. Because if I do, I'm throwing "attitude" into your face.
And you just can't digest that.
I want so badly to stand up for myself, but I can't.
You taught scared me into being a spineless person.

"Goodbye to you, goodbye to you, you're taking up my time."

I gotta get outta here

I want this to happen so much.
And finally my goal is set in stone.
Taking over slowly more and more each day.
More self control, thank God.


"I'm beggin you to be my escape."

Remember, because thats all you can do

Its Tuesday. I'm already exhausted.
Kill me now.


"Scream to be heard. Like you needed anymore attention."

Your dreams are more than worth defending.

I'm completly filled up with hate.
Head to toe, finger tips to finget tips.
I hate the people in my school more than before.
I hate the sluts.
I hate the liars.
I hate the attention whores.
I hate the pot heads.
I hate the clicks.
I hate the freshman.
I hate the scene kids.
I dont know how many times I've made a post about this.
But its all the same, just with more edge.
And Ali, today our plan gets set in stone, because my dreams of getting what I wanted wont come true unless our plan goes through.


"You make me want to forget."

So darlin, darlin stand, stand by me

Ahh yes, birthday wishes make my life complete.
Brendan, no one else has ever made me so happy, chester was happy too.


I love my friends.


"Its your birthday so I know you want to riiiiide out."

My third post of the day

I can't sleep so I've decided to make a list of things I want to do before I die, thank you The Buried Life. Its so cliche, but hopefully it will put me to sleep.

1. Get a tattoo
2. Drive cross country
3. Move to Australia
4. Visit Canada
5. Get a black eye
6. Sky Dive
7. Hike all of the Appalachian trail
8. Jump off a bridge
9. Concur my fear of the ocean.
10. Send a secret to post secret
11. Graduate college.
12. Witness a tornado
13. Learn to snowboard
14. Learn to surf
15. Catch a fish

More to be added.

"Pretending everything thing is fine, to make it better."

Headstrong

Why is it so easy to say how much you hate God, but so hard to say he does exist?
Its like when Palenstine, and other surrounding nations declared war on Isreal.
They didn't consider it a real country, yet they wagged war against it.
It isnt possible to wage war on something that doesnt exist.
You can't hate it if its not there.
You hate because you don't understand.
You don't understand because you don't bother to search for answers.

"Complete with walls I did create."

Fear can drive stick.

Days pass.
Everything changes, while everything stays the same.
Secrets bubble to the surface, and steam moves it from ear to ear.
Questions go unanswered.
Harsh words create harsh reactions.
The climax takes place, but all of the actors are already dead.

"Don't fly fast, oh pilot can you help me? Can you make this last?"

So just get it off your chest, and tell me everything.




"I'm not gonna waste these words about a boy."

This is no place to try and live my life

Is it possible to actually feel people drifting away?
Is there a tangible electric shock that drives through the air and strikes a person down?
Is it the pulling on ones heart?
Or the wetness of a tear falling?


Is it possible to feel the hatred towards ones self?
To feel the holes burning though your body from their awful stares?
To feel like knife slowly and painfully stab your back for every twisted, hate-filled word they allow to fall from their lips?


"And you promised me that in time I will defeat this."

I keep my secrets safe

I keep them hidden away from you.

I'm not in love, this is not my heart.

It's been awhile. I've been so busy lately. Work, school, homework, friends.
I'm actually home for once without having to wake up early in the morning.
It's kind of nice.
I went to the movies tonight, saw Youth in Revolt. Such a good movie.
We then went to Ali's for a little, my second home <3
I'm changing, again.
I can feel it.
I can hear it.
I can see it.
This time, I don't mind.
Though this change leaves me wanting more every now and then.
You're within my reach. I can feel it.


"Second chances? They don't matter, people never change."

So heres your standing o

This song has played at least 30 times since ive been home,
and yet I keep playing it.
Brendan you get the best songs stuck in my head
I hope mommy says i can go tonight :]]]
Its so cold in my room.
New year, new start.
Lets hope i dont fuck this year off.
Though i did start it off right last night with good people.
Ali, Brendan and Ali's family, oh God that was so much fun.
:]





"So cheers, toast, bravo to you. Cause you're the man of the hour, I'll have to send you some flowers"